Good morning bloggers, as I type this I realize it may get lost as tomorrow
I am participating in a blog hop, but tomorrow is the last day of
the month and I really want to finish my 30 days of thankfulness.
If you are reading this, maybe you are supposed to and even
if alot of people don't read it I am OK knowing whoever was supposed to read
this did. Make sense? I hope so!
I am sitting here in my house wearing a hoodie and a blanket.
I can't get warm, it's been that way for a few days. Yes I have heat in my house,
I fear I am getting sick. Cold, tired, sore throat and a big headache.
Hopefully my body will fight it off but meanwhile (29)
I am thankful for medicine!I (aka supermom lol) do not have time to be sick.
(I really should color that page- I feel much like the white rabbit's
in Alice in Wonderland "I'm late, I'm late for a very important date". No time, sigh. )
On the last day of November (yes I know it's tomorrow.)
I am thankful for forgiveness.
I am naturally a happy girl.
But injustice will push my buttons and if I am not careful
I could hold onto unforgiveness and it could turn into bitterness.
It took years to let go of the injustice that was done to our
adopted kids. I was angry and rightfully so.
A few years back I did a layout venting to the birth parents for what they
did to our kids and how far they have come in spite of what
they suffered. I even did a layout about the really stupid things that
people have said to us because our kids are adopted.
Like "can't you just give them back?"
when we discovered some of disabilities they had or how about
"don't you ever wish you had not adopted?"
in the middle of walmart with my kids in the basket!
OK so it's a work in progress right?
I am STILL working on the forgiveness and letting go.
***
I will never forget the court date to terminate the parental rights for our first kid.
(The court has to terminate the parental rights before
there can be an adoption- even if it has been years since they saw their bio parents.)
I was angry (putting it nicely) because of what she did
to him (dad was not in the picture) and because
my child was still suffering years later as a result of her choices.
I was also scared that although she never made
one attempt to visit him, there was a possibility that she could get another
chance to work her case file and try to get him back.
I brought a camera, thinking it might be my only chance
of getting a picture of her and a waited outside.
But you know what?
She never came.
I thought would be a relief - her not showing, instead I felt outrage!
How dare she not fight for her boy!
Didn't she realize how amazing he is?
Didn't she even care? Who does that!?!
At the same time my heart went out to my son and my rage
quickly turned to sadness. It breaks my heart that
she did not fight for him- the thing I feared most...
Maybe she thought she was doing the right thing for
him by not fighting, I don't know.
But I had to let go of that anger and forgive her.
Without her I wouldn't have my little miracle.
And I am not perfect - I've made mistakes BIG ONES. Who am I to judge?
I can't harbor all that anger for her and love on my child.
My anger for her wasn't hurting her, it was hurting me.
Holding onto it took energy, a lot of it.
I need that energy to chase my kids! LOL!
That day was a life changing experience for me -
I didn't realize how much unforgiveness was wearing me down.
So I am thankful for forgiveness (still a work in progress), if you
are holding onto unforgivness I promise you it is a very
freeing experience to let it go.
(Even if you have to keep letting it go every time you think about it.)
And thank you for reading this long post.
This was for you.
;)
Tomorrow- Blog hop & prizes, I'm just sayin'!
Labels: 30 days of thankfulness, Art journal
